Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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