Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
it's like iHOP with fire
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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