I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
