I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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