i jhust puked up my retainher.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
