singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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