I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
