You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
