Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
