lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
