So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
