I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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