Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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