this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
