:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
