omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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