i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
