Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
