you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
