Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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