If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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