I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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