I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
