Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
