I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
