my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
