I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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