Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Randomize