Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
