I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
