it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
