i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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