I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize