hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
we should paint friendship bongs
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