Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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