I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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