Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
