You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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