Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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