Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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