I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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