And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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