There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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