using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
