I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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