apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
