Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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