Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
