she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
