to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize