Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
should my penis look like a turkey
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
